Free Yourself from Unneeded Guilt
The Stories We’re Told
From childhood, women receive different messages about their sexuality than men do. While men are often celebrated for their sexual prowess, women are quickly labeled as “easy,” “a slut,” or “loose.” All indicating that she’s less valuable and less desirable if she’s had many partners. From generation to generation, families pass down ideas about what it means to be a “good girl”. And in many cultures, the only way to attain such a label is by remaining a virgin. And yet… we’re human with human urges, desires, and curiosities. So when we act on sexual urges, we’re often left feeling guilty and shameful. Even if we know there’s no reason to feel this way, it can be hard to overcome the conditioning we were raised with. The subconscious feeling ‘good girls don’t do those kinds of things’ is hard to shake.It Starts in Adolescence
Teenagers have raging hormones. Their bodies change, their brains develop, and most teenagers struggle to know what to do with their newfound sexual urges. Now imagine (or, if you’re like me and were raised by Catholics, you probably don’t have to imagine) that you’re a teenager with spiking hormones and sexual desires, and you’re told that you’ll go to hell if you act on them. I remember this being especially troubling with self-pleasure. I wasn’t allowed to have sex without damning myself to hell, and I also wasn’t able to release the tension in my body with self-pleasure. Unsurprisingly, oftentimes one of two things happens: 1) that sexual tension bottles up and results in a very unhappy and discontented teenager, or 2) you engage in self-pleasure or sex and walk away with a deep sense of shame and guilt.Healing Shame and Guilt as an Adult
This shame and guilt don’t necessarily just go away on their own. Many adult women I know carry sexual shame and guilt with them still today at 30, 40, or even 50 years old. This is a problem because this guilt and shame hold us back from experiencing our sexuality fully as adults. For example, the old stories from your childhood conditioning keep running through your head so that if you’re trying to self-pleasure, you might hear your mom’s voice telling you you’re going to hell. Or it’s hard to be honest with yourself about what you really want and you continue to suppress your desires instead. I believe it’s time to heal our sexual shame and guilt. By acknowledging your conditioning, healing those parts of yourself that carry shame and guilt, and making a conscious choice to unsubscribe from old stories, it’s possible to experience your sexuality more fully.Latest Blogs
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